I can’t believe 12 days ago I had my top surgery! I returned to my home yesterday after staying with my Gramma Mary for a little bit over a week while I recovered from surgery and had my first post-operation appointment with the surgeon.
The post-op appointment went well. That was on Thursday, the 10th and I see them again on the 17th. The appointment was pretty quick. She took the pressurized dressing off. I am not sure if she doesn’t use the pressurized dressing very often but she didn’t realize that they have a limited lifespan, the one I had was 8 days. So, it was off for the day before I saw her and when I saw her. She thought I hadn’t charged it but I explained to her it had a limited lifespan. That was interesting. She said that the healing was going well and she was happy with how things were.
I was then stuffed into a surgical vest/binder that feels about 22 sizes too small for me! My chubby belly is a bit chubby for it but it is supposed to be super tight to help with the swelling, chest contouring and healing. It is just super uncomfortable to wear 24/7 except for showering. It hurt more that Thursday night than anytime else during the healing from surgery, even on the day of surgery. That wasn’t pleasant but it has gotten a bit better although still not comfortable. The next month with the binder will be worth it though for the end results!
I was also able to finally take a shower yesterday! That felt so good but it was probably one of the most anxiety filled showers I had ever had as I didn’t want to reach too far up when washing my hair, was worried that I’d scrub too hard on the healing incisions as I was trying to get the stickiness from the tape off of me. I was also worried about washing and the water on the nipple grafts. I am probably one of the few who would worry about all of that. But, after using all the body wipes on the planet and not being able to shower post-surgery, it was so nice to have a shower! Oh, and of course seeing my chest was great and not dreadful like it had been pre-surgery.
Yesterday evening and last night was the first time back at my place to stay since surgery. My kitty isn’t home from her friends until Monday but that’s to give me some time to adjust to being back home. It has been pretty good so far. I had been sleeping on a comfy, reclining couch to help with recovery so being back in my bed I knew would take some adjustment. I ended up taking this big, thick, fluffy Mickey Mouse blanket I have and folding that up and put that on my bed under my pillows so I was able to be propped up some but comfortable enough to get some sleep. I am such a stomach sleeper so it is something to get used to sleeping on my back. Probably in a few weeks I could move to my side. I think it will be a while until I can sleep like I normally do but maybe that isn’t a bad thing as stomach sleeping isn’t supposed to be the best sleeping position. I woke up some during the night but actually slept better than I expected.
On Monday, I should be bringing my kitty home! I am excited about that! I miss my Baby Rainbows. She can keep me up a lot at night and I wanted to adjust to being home before getting her. I am currently waiting on a grocery delivery as I am still not supposed to really carry or lift heavy things or do exercise and bringing groceries up the stairs at my home is some work! If there are any positives about the COVID19 Pandemic and 2020 it would be that things like grocery delivery is getting so much easier and normal which is helpful after my surgery!
I am still so happy and thankful for my Gender Confirming Top Surgery. It is an adjustment as I get used to looking at my body and seeing different shapes and such. I do have quite the belly on me and that has me feeling ultra-fat- have to be honest. Before, the chest helped cover it up some although it has always been there. Instead of being a huge apple, I am now a huge pear. But I am hoping, once I am cleared for exercise and such I can really start working on the belly. I feel a bit more confidence to work out, especially to go to the park or nearby track. But, that is definitely an adjustment I am having to make and come to terms with. I am also trying to determine how my “passing” ability is so far. As someone who is transgender, I probably overthink it more than others but I still think people in public may still be seeing me more as female than male. I could be completely wrong though. I don’t know. It does make it hard for me but it is something I have to work on. My Gramma Mary and I had gone to my post-op appointment on Thursday and then had to run to the local grocery store to pick up a few things and I had to use the restroom and that is definitely still a difficult process for me. Do I come across more and male or female as far as restrooms? I am uncomfortable going into either and not every place has gender neutral, single stall or family restrooms. That would be much better.
Here is to 12 days, being home and adjusting well though! I am looking forward to the journey continuing, not having to wear the surgical binder and continuing the be the person I am meant to be.
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