5 Tips!

It just turned midnight, going onto Tuesday the 29^th of September. The week started yesterday, although it is still “today” as I am still up and I (and I think a lot of others) don’t think it is really another day until you go to bed and wake up. Or it feels that way. That isn’t the point though…

Today has been a good day, a great start to the week for me. When you live with things like chronic illnesses, mental illnesses, and other difficult things- and even in general- it is always good when the start to a week, like a Monday, are good. For some it is the beginning of a work week, for others maybe their “weekend”, for kids it may be the beginning of the school week, and maybe it really is just another day for others. 

As it has been such a good day and my mind is in a brighter, more positive space where it thinks a bit better, I want to take some time to list some things that may help anyone who struggles- my focus would be with mental health- but it could be in general too. Maybe someone might stumble upon this blog and this might help a tiny bit. Plus, I can always look back on this too. I figure there are never too many good and positive resources! 

Here are my 5 tips for those with struggles

1. Feed Your Soul

Do something daily, or at least multiple times throughout the week that feed your soul, that just make you feel good. Currently, watching “Wheel of Fortune” and “Jeopardy!” on television during the evening is something that is feeding my soul, that really lifts my spirts and is making me happy. Even if it is only for a while and in a month or two it doesn’t, it does now so I am making sure I set that time aside to enjoy that. For you, it could be something else: reading, doing some creative art project, gardening, sewing, the list goes on. Even if you take 5 minutes and do a little of an activity that warms you from the inside out, it will help in the moment which can hopefully add up as you find things that feed your soul and continue to do them. All part of good self-care if you want to classify it as that.

2. Make Your Bed 

If there is one thing I have come to learn this year as I am focusing more and more on improving my mental health, it is that making my bed has made a huge difference! I have read it multiple times and heard it as well but didn’t really believe much in making my bed. I sure do now! Making my bed whenever I wake up, even if I sleep in after a late night and don’t get up until past noon, I will still make my bed as one of the first things I do, even if I don’t have the energy to. Why? A. It is always a comfort and cozy feeling to crawl into a nicely made bed at night after a long day rather than just getting into a bed that’s all a mess from the night before. You don’t get that added feel of comfort. B. You are accomplishing at least 1 task every day, making your bed, and C. Accomplishing that 1 task can make it easier to accomplish something else in your day, it is a motivational tool without really realizing it

3. Limit The Social Media/ News

I’d say this one depends on the person and current world events, but I have found that limiting the amount I am on social media and limiting what news I follow helps. Too often social media can be full of negativity, arguing, stressful, causes anxiety and could really be bringing you down so much as you mind numbingly scroll through your feeds. If you notice that you have been scrolling through your social media and more time than you thought passed by, try to put that phone down- even in another room, even if only for an hour to get your head clear and by then you will probably be busy with other tasks anyways. Same with limiting your news intake. We are always bombarded with news (often through social media) but also on the tv and different news apps. How often is news positive and uplifting? Not very often. Having those apps constantly sending you notifications of news stories will drag you down as you read negative headline after negative headline. Try turning off those notifications, try not to have the news show up on your social media feed- you can adjust both of these settings on your phone. I know I tend to try and look at what news sources I follow in the morning and evening, I tend not to look throughout the day because it lowers my mood, I feel depressed with all the yucky news out there, unless there is something specific I am looking for and interested in.

4. Catch Your Thoughts and Re-frame Them

This one is from therapy peeps: Every day we have thousands and thousands of thoughts passing through our brains. However, too often, much of those thoughts are negative and about your own self!! What good do negative thoughts about one’s self do? No good, that’s what! We can be walking down the sidewalk, trip and lose our footing and recover in a matter of seconds and think, “I am so clumsy” or “that was stupid of me” without realizing those thoughts, repeating in your mind, are only bringing you down. Take that same frame of mind and change to a bigger event. You make a mistake at work and you must talk with your boss or supervisor. Chances are you are going to think something along the lines of, “I always make mistakes” or “I am not good enough for this job” or my favorite, “I am a failure” and thinking those things over and over isn’t good for you one bit. In that example, if you catch yourself thinking something like, “I always make mistakes” stop yourself. You can literally tell yourself to stop. Then take a more accurate look at that statement- yes, people make mistakes, that is part of being human, but are you actually always making mistakes? Big, terrible, tear yourself down mistakes? Doubtful. Instead, after stopping that negative thought and looking at it with a full, more accurate perspective, reframe it with a more accurate thought, “I made a mistake but… also have accomplished a lot” and “…have done this or that at work” or “I made a mistake but may not have known or been provided with the proper knowledge, training or equipment to have avoided a mistake and can fix it and move forward in a better way.” We should really be building ourselves up by trying to stop those negative thoughts, look at them in a more accurate way and state them to where you are learning and not bringing yourself down!

5. Positivity and Thankfulness

Don’t brush this aside yet if you are struggling and think it is just going to be a “be positive and things will be better”  and “just be thankful for what you have because things could be so much worse” because that is far from how things work and is so minimizing to your own struggles. If being positive and being thankful for things was the key to wellness things would be so much better. However, even a little positivity and thinking of things we are thankful for can go a long way. And it is okay that there will be days when being positive and thankful just isn’t going to go with how you are feeling and that is okay! When you are struggling, having a bad day, being positive and being thankful isn’t exactly something you are jumping on but taking a moment and trying to focus on them, even just one small one can help. And eventually, when you start trying to see even the small positives, you may notice your general outlook going from a more cynical outlook to a more positive outlook which may help- it is still important to be realistic at the same time though. And being aware of things you are thankful for can spin a new light onto things. Start by thinking of 3 positives and things you are thankful for each day and write it down each night for a week. Even if, for example, you write that seeing your animal when you come home is a positive and something you are thankful for, every day and then 2 other different things, they will add up. And like I said, small positives add up too. I can think of multiple things that are positive from today and that I am thankful for: I am thankful for my water bottle and ice because I dislike warm water and my water bottle keeps my water ice cold for hours and hours! A positive today was that I was able to watch some tv that I really enjoy, that I can listen to music. I am thankful for my air condition and fan to keep me cool. I am thankful for people in my life. A positive from today was getting to sleep in some. Don’t force the positivity or worry if you have the same things you are thankful for because just a little bit of recognizing those things go a long way.

Those are just 5 tips, there are others that I have, and I am sure others have as well that may help you when you are struggling. But, if just one of those things help, I am glad! And I know that next time I am struggling, and I may be doing a blog entry or need a reminder of what I can do to help myself, I can look at this. Not only can I read my own advice but feel the warmth and genuine caring and understanding that come from these words as it came from someone who understands what it is like to struggle. Today was a good day, a great start to the week but next Monday could be different and this is a good reminder.

Have a good week yourself.

Daks

ETCHED into my VERY EXISTENCE

I haven’t done a blog entry or much writing since I haven’t been on my laptop that much. Lately, I seem to only get on my laptop for my weekly virtual therapy sessions via an online portal, thanks for the dumpster fire of COVID19 and the year 2020. And typically, after therapy isn’t my prime writing time. Nights, tonight 0159 is my writing time. 2am is the time for writers, painters, artists and poets, the ones that are a little bit off, a little different because this is the time our brain seems to like to think the most.

Funny that I used the term, “a bit off” as I tend to think I am way more than that. Even knowing that it negates the therapy work, brain rewiring, and that I need to take the negative cognitions I have and reframe them to be more accurate, I always use the term, “messed up” and “fucked up” for myself. Especially at 0159, 0200 in the morning.

What brought that terminology up for myself tonight was taking the prescriptions I had stopped at the pharmacy and picked up this past evening out of the bag to check them and put them with the rest of my medicines. But, as I am looking at my medicines, making sure I knew which ones they were and such, I looked at them and thought, “it is crazy how easily it would be to just take all of these…” So, of course I can’t help to think I am a bit off, messed up, fucked up for having those thoughts.

It has only been around 5 years that I have been professionally diagnosed with mental illness and going to therapy and being on psychiatric medicines. Of course, mental illnesses have been part of my life and biology long before that. Although, how I grew up, that just wasn’t something that existed or was mentioned or something… (that could be a different blog post..). In the past 5 years I have had at least 18 times where I was in the hospital due to mental illness, from different psychiatric hospitals for inpatient, intensive outpatient treatment, times I had to go to the local crisis center or had to be admitted and times where I have attempted suicide or had suicidal gestures. Not fun. There is a lot that I am thankful for about those past 5 years and a lot that has sucked. There are the ups and downs when it comes to mental illness and hospitalizations and therapy and being on medicine.

In those 5 years, what is sticking out to me tonight, after my thoughts while looking at my medicines, is the suicidal thoughts…

[I just had a thought that it was ironic that as I was picking up my medicine today, there was some car with a popular song by (I had to look this up) YNM Melly, “Suicidal” playing… ]

 …the suicidal thoughts…  one of the many negative aspects of mental illness. This month, September, is Suicide Awareness Month. For me, suicidal thoughts are almost always there. They pop up at the most random of times, they can be triggered by feelings, thoughts, emotions, things around me, an event…anything. When I am doing okay, I am able to treat them more like a passing thought, give no mind to it because that is all it is, a thought with no meaning or relevance to it, just part of my brain wiring over the years with mental illness and part of my mental illness struggles. Other times, when I may be struggling more, when those thoughts come up, they take a deeper hold, maybe cause that thought to hang on a bit longer, get me upset, make the thoughts of being “messed up” come up. The less stable I am, the worse my mental health is, when I am struggling more and more, the suicidal ideation worsens. What was once just thoughts become urges, images in my head, a struggle to keep pushing on and getting anything those things out of my head. Self-harm tends to come into the picture for me about then. And there have been times where I have attempted suicide.

The words “Suicide” and “Suicidal”: Words that can be so heavy, so sad, so scary, stigmatized and too often “brushed under the rug” or thought to be “attention seeking”, words people don’t want coming up in everyday conversation: cling to me and seem to be etched into my very existence.

I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I hate it myself. What came to mind earlier tonight as the words burned in my brain, was that they are part of my everyday life. That I have been told by mental health professionals that suicidal thoughts and urges may just be something that I will have for the rest of my life and are just part of my mental illnesses. One psychiatrist I saw always said something along the lines of “what if you take being suicidal/suicide off the table as an option” as if my brain, that I am told will have chronic suicidal thoughts and urges can do that, especially if I am in one of those very unstable moments. It bothers me that on one hand, I am told these thoughts are chronic and will always be there and they were telling me that I could just take it off the table. Maybe for a neurotypical that seems easy and possible. To someone like me though, it isn’t so easy.

There are tons of people who take medicines for a wide arrange of ailments, you will be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t take some sort of medicine at some point. Some people take their medicine(s) from the bottles they are in, some use the daily or weekly pill boxes. But to be looking at your medicine and just think… “I could easily just take these all” and “how many mg of these altogether would kill me or would I just pass out and be sick” or “between this and that medicine, if I took them all I could end things” or “if I took everything, would my body automatically try to save myself or would I have a painful death here by myself regretting what I did? But why am I thinking this? Because I am messed up” … is a terrible and exhausting thing.

I’m really working on turning those negative cognitions around to be more accurate, to not use the “I’m messed up” or “fucked up” terminology on myself. I will keep fighting the suicidal thoughts and urges that come up. I will continue to try to let the thoughts that I have while viewing my medicines pass on without thinking too much. Thankfully when it comes to some aspects of mental illness it is the actions that have the negative outcomes more than the thoughts and urges. I’ll continue on another night, another day. 0311.