8/8/2020
After
this week I needed today. It was a rough week. A week filled with sadness and
tears. Nights where the darkness swooped in and threatened to carry me away.
One main thing saved me this week and I am so grateful it did and I was able to
experience today.
Today
my “Gramma” Mary (she isn’t really my Gramma but at 70+ she counts as a second
Gramma to me) and I went for a long drive. She traveled the state for work many
years ago so she knows a lot of different areas and loves to take us on drives
and show me around. I love it too. Not only do I get to see different places
but I also get to spend quality time with her. I should have brought my camera
or snapped some photos with my phone because there were some beautiful views. I’m
making a mental note tonight to start bringing my actual camera with me. I love
photography and want to be able to use my camera more.
It was
good to finally have a day where I didn’t feel overwhelmed, where I didn’t feel
like I was going crazy, where the depression and mental illnesses were beating
me down. I was able to relax and laugh and enjoy my time and an amazing persons
company. It has even lasted into tonight (it is 2206/ 10:06PM). This week, by
this time, I have been sad and upset and a general mess. As much as my mental
health has improved over the past 5 months, mental illness is still there and
ever so strong. As much improvement as there has been, there have been setbacks
and reoccurring and new struggles (which I could easily write a different blog post
about if I wanted).
But… I
am just glad that there are days like today. Where the morning coffee is made
just right, where the sun shines bright and fills you with the light as you
feel the warm sunbeams against your skin. Days where even the anxieties are
drowned out a bit by the laughter and love, the memories made, the positive nostalgia,
the adventure. When you feel whole and at peace, even just for a few hours.
I know
that things will come flooding back, honestly, it is inevitable at this point in
time, but, it is knowing that there are those amazing moments in life, that
there is love and laughter, friends and still hope that make things worth
pushing through.
After spending the day with my Gramma Mary, I came home to my precious, purring kitty (well, cat, she is 6yrs old but all cats are kitties). That… that makes life worth it. Knowing I have such a pure heartbeat in my life, a heartbeat that needs me and I know would be impacted if I was no longer here makes life so, absolutely, worth it. She saved me this week so I could live for a day like today.
