I have really come to learn something over the past year, even moreso over the past few months… if one is ever going to even come close to conquering mental illness and get to a better place with their mental health it is themselves that really have to put in the work and effort. Therapists and Psychiatrist can give you guidance and support, medicine and try to teach you coping skills but unless you are willing to do the work outside each session, you are going to be kept in a continuous cycle of defeat.
Yesterday and last night I had a particularly hard time with my mental health and wellbeing and it continued onto this morning. But, I have been doing what I can to overcome the struggle I am in at the moment and come up on top. I could have focused on the strong negative thoughts and urges for self harm I was having or the thoughts and urges of finding a tall structure to launch myself off of but I really tried to just fight those off. I ended up just trying to get to sleep last night even though my body was fighting that. I wanted to scream and freak out over “nothing” but tried to remain calm, take deep breaths, center myself and focus on the fact that I was having a difficult time at that moment but the next day could bring a better day and I could try my best to focus on making it to bed and into a bright new day and new start, new opportunity. I woke up still struggling but pushed myself to get out of bed, ready for the day, open up my curtains, to get something to eat and do some journaling to help with my mental health. I focused on things that would help bring me a bit of happiness and not that I was struggling.
I am doing okay this evening. I’m not exactly in the spot that I want my mental wellbeing to be in but I am trying and that is what counts so much. I could easily just “give up” and resign myself to the fact that “I have a mental illness and that is never going to change, I am never going to be okay” but I am not doing that. I have done that. I spent way too long thinking I was never going to be okay, that I was too damaged, that I was too broken and messed up. That there was no help or hope for me. That no provider could help me. That nothing could help me. But, I was wrong. Yes, there are still days and times where my go to of “I’m broken, messed up, hopeless…” creep up and try to consume me. There are days that I really struggle and have multiple posts on my blog as evidence.You would almost thing two different people write these blogs sometimes when you look through them. There are days where I believe all the negative things my brain has told me over the years. I will think that nobody can help me. However, none of that is true. I have found that out only because I have put in the work. I have had people and providers assist along the way with guidance, helping me learn skills to cope, guiding me into a better way of life.
I do different journaling now. One is a bullet type journal I came up with that I do in the morning to set the tone for the day and hopefully start the day with some positivity and appreciation. I also do the bullet journal at night to wrap up the day on a positive note and hopefully bring that into the night for a bright new day to come. I also use DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) skills and a DBT Diary I have made on my own to help me when I am struggling. I created it based on a psychiatric hospitals and ones I found online. I did that, I put the work into that to help me better myself. I learned that I have to take a break from social media and the news. Every day I wake up and part of getting ready is making my bed as I know that helps with my mental wellbeing. If I am struggling more I will seek out some worksheets to do that help me process what mental health issue I am facing. I will do my creative arts like my new digital art, my writing or find something else that will help my creative side as I know that helps boost my mental wellbeing. I have been watching certain tv shows as I know they make me happy. I have reached out and asked for help when I have needed that extra support from providers. I have gone to bed early on days I may be struggling because HALT (Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tiredness) is something that people overlook too often if they are having a tough moment and I have learned to look for those core things. I have also learned to catch those negative cognitions I may have and redirect and make them more accurate which is actually pretty huge in itself.
That is what I do and I am sure there is more. I can’t take all the credit because it is my amazing therapist who has helped me get to the point where I am finally, naturally using all the things that surround me to help myself. But, the key is that I am putting fourth the effort every day to be okay, to be a better person, to get to where I want to be in life, to break the mental health cycle I have been in. Nobody else can put fourth that effort. They can be there for you, keep you safe, support you, guide you, give you advice but YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN DO THE WORK AND PUT IN THE EFFORT!
It isn’t always easy doing the work. There are days I want to give in, wish I didn’t have to put so much effort into being okay when it seems others don’t have to as much. And, as much as that may be true, it is also something I am coming to accept and be okay with. There are moments and days where I do slack off, knowingly or not but it is important to come back and retry. It isn’t always fun having to put in so much effort just to be okay and be stable when it comes to mental health but it is worth it. You are worth it, life is worth it. PUT IN YOUR WORK FOR A BETTER YOU AND A BETTER LIFE!
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